You spend the night draped over a toilet seat.

You piss in a beer bottle while standing in front of a vacant urinal.

You keep asking your friends to punch you as hard as they can.

You keep giving awkwardly long and intimate hugs to everyone, including strangers.

You drive a few miles with the emergency break on... And you never left first gear.

You call your ex (i.e. drunk dialing)

While laying in your bed, you vomit on yourself but decide to "clean it up tomorrow".

You wake up in a barn naked and there's horse shit all over your arms.

You spend 15 minutes trying to unlock your car... Only to realize it's not your car.

You get kicked out of Denny's at 2 a.m. (their usual after-midnight crowd is bad enough, you really have to stand out for anyone to notice).